by: Demi Langford
It seems like most of my adult life, I have focused on some part of my body I did not like. That part was mostly my thighs. When I looked in the mirror, my eyes would go right below my hips and then search for any other problem areas. I wanted to be a model, and I wanted to have model legs. Since this was not my genetic proportions, I would feel so discouraged and worthless every time I looked in the mirror sizing myself up this way. As I look back at this time in my life, I can feel the heaviness these thoughts brought into my life, and now it makes perfect sense how that heaviness reflected in my body. This heaviness not only tacked on 10-15 extra pounds, but it also landed me in the throws of an eating disorder.
I remember when the healing started. I found a sanctuary on my yoga mat. For 90 minutes I was OK in my body. I didn’t even care what I looked like. It just felt so good to just breath. Like taking the deepest exhale of my life. I started to crave more of this sweetness. It was so sweet that I began to carve my day out around my yoga classes. I didn’t even realize I was “working out”. But I must have, because I naturally lost those extra pounds. I remember after about a year of yoga sweetness, I was at a store trying on jeans, (which I used to dread), I slipped on a pair of skinny jeans, and looked in the mirror. I couldn’t believe what I saw. It looked like I was looking at a ballet dancer’s legs. The other beautifully splendid thing about this day is that I was able to look in the mirror and acknowledge some of the beauty and grace I had been blessed with.
I truly believe that self deprecating thoughts on any level weigh us down much more than just emotionally. They add inches to our waist line, and build up barriers to the divine mirror of our true beauty and inner grace.
Next time one of those unloving thoughts pop up, just know it’s as toxic for you as french fries, and refrain from double dipping!
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